Hello beautiful soul!
Let’s get real about something we’ve all experienced – that moment when you’re in yet another relationship situation and think, “Why does this feel so familiar?”
You’re not alone in this. Most of us are stuck in relationship loops without even realising it.
The Truth About What We Attract
Here’s something that might sound harsh but needs to be said: we attract what we are, not what we want.
Think about it. If you don’t truly believe you’re worthy of love, respect, and kindness, how can you expect to attract a partner who treats you that way? It’s like trying to tune into a radio station – if your internal frequency is set to “I’m not enough,” that’s the energy you’re broadcasting to the world.
The universe doesn’t respond to your wishful thinking or your carefully crafted dating profile. It responds to your authentic vibration – the beliefs you hold about yourself at your core.
Your Thoughts Are Creating Your Reality
Every thought you think is like planting a seed. When you consistently think:
- “All the good ones are taken”
- “I always pick the wrong person”
- “Love never works out for me”
- “I’m too much for anyone to handle”
You’re literally programming your subconscious to seek out evidence that supports these beliefs. Your thoughts become your reality because your mind filters experiences to match what you expect.
The Self-Love Foundation
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you authentically?
This isn’t about being selfish or narcissistic. It’s about basic energetic math. When you don’t value yourself:
- You accept treatment that matches your self-perception
- You attract people who reflect your internal relationship with yourself
- You settle for crumbs because you don’t believe you deserve the whole meal
- You become a magnet for people who need fixing because you’re trying to fix yourself through them
The Patterns That Keep Us Stuck
Most relationship patterns stem from one core issue: we’re trying to get from others what we won’t give ourselves.
The Validation Seeker: You need constant reassurance because you don’t trust your own worth. Result? You attract partners who withhold validation, keeping you hooked in the chase.
The Fixer: You’re drawn to “broken” people because helping them makes you feel valuable. Result? You attract people who drain your energy and never actually change.
The People-Pleaser: You abandon your needs to keep others happy. Result? You attract takers who see your kindness as weakness.
The Fearful Avoider: You keep people at arm’s length to protect yourself. Result? You attract unavailable partners who can’t get close anyway.
Breaking the Cycle: Real Change Starts Within
1. Get Honest About Your Energy Take a hard look at your internal dialogue. What story are you telling yourself about love, relationships, and your worthiness? This story is your blueprint – change it, and you change what you attract.
2. Fall in Love with Yourself First This isn’t about bubble baths and face masks (though those can sometimes aid self-therapy). It’s about:
- Trusting your instincts
- Setting boundaries without guilt
- Celebrating your wins
- Forgiving your mistakes
- Choosing yourself even when it’s uncomfortable
3. Raise Your Standards (and Mean It) Stop saying you want a loving partner while accepting behaviour that proves otherwise. Your standards aren’t requests – they’re requirements. When you truly believe you deserve better, you won’t tolerate less.
4. Practice Conscious Attraction Instead of desperately seeking love, become the love you want to receive:
- Treat yourself with kindness
- Speak to yourself with respect
- Make decisions that honour your worth
- Create the life you’d want to share with someone
The Law of Attraction in Action
The law of attraction isn’t magic – it’s energy. When you genuinely love and respect yourself:
- You carry yourself differently
- You make different choices
- You notice red flags earlier
- You notice when your boundaries are being tested
- You attract people who match your elevated energy
It’s not about pretending to be confident or faking self-love. Authentic self-worth has a frequency that can’t be manufactured. People feel it, and more importantly, the right people are drawn to it.
Your Relationship Revolution
Remember: you can’t give what you don’t have, and you can’t receive what you don’t believe you deserve.
Every failed relationship wasn’t a waste of time – it was showing you where your internal work needed to happen. The patterns will keep repeating until you heal the source.
At the end of this article, I’ve left you a very useful practice you can conduct yourself – it will help you analyse your relationship patterns to understand what internal work is required.
Where to Start Today
- Mirror Work: Look yourself in the eye and practice speaking kindly to the person staring back
- Boundary Practice: Say no to one thing today that doesn’t serve you
- Gratitude Shift: Write down three things you genuinely appreciate about yourself
- Energy Check: Before your next date or relationship interaction, ask yourself: “What energy am I bringing to this?”
The Bottom Line
The person you’re looking for is looking for the version of you that you become when you truly love yourself.
Stop trying to be perfect for someone else. Start being authentic for yourself. The right person won’t need you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth – they’ll recognise it because they’ve done their own inner work too.
Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Change the relationship you have with yourself, and watch how dramatically your relationships in the outer world transform.
You’re not just looking for love – you’re becoming it. And that, beautiful soul, is where real magic happens.
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